The Plasticized Turkey

This is based on a true story told around my Christmas dinner table just a few days ago.

Sherry ended the phone call and sighed. Marcia was always calling for some last-minute thing, but this time, Sherry didn't have the heart to say "no."

"All you have to do is roast the turkey and deliver it to the church by four o'clock on Christmas Eve. It will be carved and distributed in the meal packages we're taking to the families on our list. Please! Kelly has the flu and she had to cancel," Marcia had said.

"All right, I'll do it, but how? Should I use my roaster?"

"Just use one of those plastic roasting bags. No muss, no fuss, easy to transport. I'll bring the bird over in a few minutes."

And thus it was, the next morning she slipped the turkey into the roasting bag, tied the twist tie, and sat it in her roaster at three hundred fifty degrees, for a six-hour bake. She hummed as she continued through the house, wrapping a few last-minute gifts and straightening a few fallen Christmas cards. Her first time to cook a turkey! Her mother would be so proud that she'd been paying attention all those years.

Ninety minutes later, she decided to take a peek at the bird, so she opened the oven door and slid the rack out a few inches. Odd, she thought, where is the bag? She decided to call Marcia to be on the safe side.

Marcia's reaction was confusion. "You put it in the roasting bag and what happened?"

"The bag is gone."

"I'll be right over."

When she arrived, Marcia confirmed that the roasting bag was indeed gone.

"Where are the bags you used?"

Sherry found the package and handed it over. Marcia looked at it, then turned to Sherry in horror.

"The plastic has melted onto the turkey. These are freezer bags, not roasting bags."

"Oh, shoot! Now what do we do?"

"Let's look at it again."

This time, Sherry lifted the roaster onto the counter. They both noticed an odd shiny glaze on the turkey.

"Will it poison anyone?"

"I don't know. But I won't tell if you don't."


So the plastic coated turkey made its way into a dozen meals, and there was no way of telling who received that particular turkey. Since the volunteers who prepared the meals made enough for themselves, once the needy families were served, Sherry and Marcia made their excuses and went out for Mexican food.

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